One of the most common questions I see online from couples concerns the choice of readings at a civil wedding. Generally speaking, lots of people are unsure about what to choose, they wonder what is appropriate? How many should there be? Can they be religious? Should they be secular? Where can I find them? Here is some advice that I offer the couples that I work with.
1. It is your wedding ceremony so we can have as many readings as you like. However we don’t want to turn your wedding into a poetry recital so my recommendation is two or three. It can be nice to scatter them throughout the ceremony to add a variety of voices.
2. If there is a religious reading that you like (and there are many, many beautiful religious readings) then by all means use those. There are some beautiful poems about love in the book of psalms from the old testament equally there are some charming reflections on love from St. Paul’s letters in the new Testament. Many couples like to include a nod to the religion that they were brought up in and the readings can be a good way to do that.
3. Poetry is good. There are so many websites that have collections of poems that are suitable for weddings. Maybe you could go that extra mile and write your own? Who wouldn’t be impressed by that!!
4. Many couples, if they have a favourite song, or film or TV show take quotes or lines or lyrics and work them into a personalised reading that means a lot to them. This can be a bit of work but it can be very special if done well.
5. If you are having two readings I would suggest putting a piece of music between them. This not only breaks them up to it gives your guests a little time to reflect on what they have just heard.
6. As a general rule of thumb if you are going for a funny poem or reading go for one that is clean and age appropriate for all your guests. We don’t want dear old Aunt May in the corner falling over from the fright.
7. Try and choose people who are good public speakers. For many people speaking in front of a large crowd is their worst nightmare, so while you may want a particular person to play a part in your ceremony, if public speaking is not their thing then maybe give them another job. Remember, you have chosen these readings for a reason – you want them read aloud with heart and gravitas – so try and choose the best person for the job.
8. If you and your partner are not from the same country if can be lovely to choose two readings – one from each country. A true sign of collaboration. Or indeed if you are from different counties you could source some writings from each and use those in the ceremony.
9. Where are the best place to find readings? Here is a selection of some sites where I have sourced them in the plast.
Good luck with making your choice.
Will
I have been tasked with giving the speech at a friend’s wedding soon and although I am very used to public speaking, specifically at weddings, being the Wedding Celebrant and being the person who deliver’s ‘The Best Man’ speech are two very different things. You want to be entertaining but not at the expense of being sincere, you want to be funny but not crude or vulgar, you want to be inclusive but you may only know a small portion of the guests personally. So, the more I thought about it the more I began to see why so many guys get stressed out about this one small element of the wedding day.
When I think back to my own wedding, my best man did an amazing job, he was articulate, warm, hilariously funny, inclusive, complimentary and with only the most gentle of ribbing. In terms of how to write and deliver a great best man speech this guy gave a masterclass. So, if it is something that you need to be thinking about in the next little while what advice can I give you.
1. Start early, I know you might be dreading it but if you leave it until the last minute it will only stress you out even more and the speech will end up not being as good as it could be.
2. Talk to the groom about it – ask him what you would like to mention and maybe what he would not like you to mention. Remember he chose you to be his best man because he wants you up there with him on the biggest day of his life and NOT for your speech writing skills.
3. Have a look at samples online and on youtube – but try not to copy or stick rigidly to these formats. The best speech will be the one that YOU write and that comes from your heart.
4. Keep it clean – there is nothing more embarrassing for everyone involved than when the best man tells an inappropriate joke or story that falls flat. If you feel that you must embarrass the groom with an innuendo laden tale remember to leave the bride out of it. She will not thank you (and neither will her parents) if you drag her down too.
5. The best piece of advice is to keep the whole thing light but sincere. Tell the couple how you feel about them. Tell them you are thrilled to be part of their special day and wish them all the best in the future – if you get that right then you will do just fine.
And good luck, you’ll do a great job.
